|Hindsight is a beautiful thing|
Becoming a mother has been an incredibly topsy turvy experience, and has felt much like having my shoelace stuck in a fast moving travelator in a crowded shopping centre while balancing several bags of groceries, a handbag and a half eaten panini bread.
In my new universe, there are very few opportunities to drop the groceries and pull the shoelace free. But on Sunday mornings, when my husband is home and the world is quiet, I usually manage to jump off the travelator for a short while and sink into some comfy couch and reflection time.
In the space where I used to nurse hangovers and long recovery breakfasts, I now nurse the baby and a swirl of thoughts about why no one told me breastfeeding was like taking a new career as a human milk bar and how I can get possibly get ingrained asparagus stains out of onesies ... and what I should have done before I had a baby.
Six things I should have done before I had a baby
When we decided to go ahead and do the whole baby thing, my husband and I were booked to go on a trip to Thailand. Private swimming pool, cocktails on the beach, hot rock massages. Bliss. In an effort to be sensible parental type people, we immediately cancelled, citing cost and heatstroke and a cornucopia of unnamed risks and tropical illnesses.
Although I am certain my all-day morning sickness would have made me miserable and the cocktails would have been downgraded to mocktails and I would have spent most of my time passed out under a wet sheet and a fan - we absolutely, unequivocally, emphatically should have gone. I would much rather have thrown up under a beach umbrella than in a garbage bin on an underground train platform. Sensible can be stupid sometimes.
All day, every day, long day, Sunday, breakfasts. Big breakfasts, pancake specials, breakfast burritos, haloumi fritters. Lattes, freshly squeezed juices, broadsheet newspapers, pink salt, raw sugar, almond croissants. Breakfast just isn't the same with sticky hands down your bra and the inability to use a knife and a fork at the same time.
I should have hauled my hungover ass out of bed, donned some big black sunglasses and gone out for breakfast every Saturday and every Sunday until my waters broke.
- Childcare Applications
As a young working professional, I knew very little about childcare. My thoughts on the matter were warm and fuzzy, featuring finger painting and sand pits and Snow White dress ups and trays of cute salad sandwiches - I had no idea obtaining a daycare position was a fiercely competitive sport with a high entry cost and even higher rejection rate.
If I had my time over, I would apply for childcare like you should apply sunscreen in the middle of summer: liberally, all over, early and often.
- Husband Time
After circling in each others orbits for several years, it's easy for your partner and your relationship to become part of your mutually-purchased-though-not-necessarily-agreed furniture.
Time is non-refundable. I should have spent fewer hours watching the telly, less time complaining about beer bottle lids being left on the counter and the cover left off the barbecue, and more time playing putt putt golf and drinking wine with my husband. Putt putt golf just isn't the same with a pram, or when you're sober.
Yeah, you read that right. I've always had a thing for motorcycles, and I've ridden pillion both on and off the road, but I never found the balls (figuratively and literally) to learn to ride solo. The same goes for hang gliding, hockey, pole dancing lessons, go-carting and cross country skiing.
Now, a little bit older and required to be a lot more responsible, I am too afraid to try in case I break an arm or lose my remaining shreds of dignity or inspire an expensive desire in my daughter to climb aboard a 50cc bike.
This is universal. If you require an explanation, you do not have children.
If you could go back in time, what would you do before you became a parent?
You can follow Mumdanity on Facebook and Google+ and TwitterImage courtesty of Gabriella Fabbri via rgbstock.com