The Teething Monster is back, and making plenty of noise about it.
After a brief but necessary holiday away from this rambling house - perhaps to Tahiti, or the Great Barrier reef, or somewhere else suitably unfair - he unexpectedly lobbed up on our doorstep on Tuesday afternoon with a fresh enthusiasm for pain and a suitcase full of new teething twists.
He took us unawares, even though we should have known better. After all, we were due to meet teeth three and four, and the Teething Monster is renowned for being one of the sneakiest little devils in the entire mummy universe.
Much like his good friends Separation Anxiety and Unexplained Wakefulness, he evaporates moments before you can wring his neck and then reappears when you least expect him to - midway through a bowl of sweet potato puree, up from the
depths of the bath tub, through the door at the ungodly hour of 3:27 am.
Since his unwelcome return, the Teething Monster has been doing his part to keep the cogs of the mummy universe turning. He has been keeping our little family of three up all night, with the odd surprise nap mixed in here and there to test our reflexes and our sanity. He has also been keeping us down most of the day, leaving us stumbling around in a tetchy teething tether.
In a move reminiscent of his second cousin, the Cookie Monster, he has been effortlessly spreading crumbs and mess throughout our lives. The lounge room is an obstacle course of teething rings and cold face washers, and the kitchen bench has transformed into a comprehensively (and expensively) well-stocked pharmacy.
On top of the obstacles and the drugs, the house has been attacked with a liberal spread of banana teething rusk mush. This highly adhesive glue of wheat and flavouring has adamantly adhered to the furniture and the fixtures and the forlorn parents in a sticky tribute to the Teething Monster and his unfortunate powers.
Despite his persistent presence and grumbling, the Teething Monster has yet to deliver any new teeth so his visit looks set to continue through the weekend and well into next week.
I just hope there is enough patience and grace in the mummy universe (and enough wine in the cupboard) to get me through.
Has the Teething Monster visited your house recently?
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